Being single is hard and breakups are the worst. There, I said it. Ask anyone who knew me in the thick of singlehood and they'll tell you they lived for my dating stories.
One time when living in Nashville I got dumped and when I asked him why, the guy said, "You're too fancy for me."
"What do you mean?," I replied.
"You're too fancy for me," he said. "I like girls who wear their hair in ponytails."
Then, he walked out of my fancy high-rise apartment while I cried.
I didn't realize it then, but he was right. I was too fancy for him.
He was a country boy who owned a barbecue restaurant. I was a television news anchor who wanted to live in New York City and at the time was a vegetarian.
The relationship didn't make much sense, but at the time, I didn't see it that way. When we are single and ready to settle down, sometimes it's easy to overlook things.
When we are single and ready to settle down, sometimes it's easy to overlook things.
Now, years later when I think about that breakup and laugh, I think, "Wow, that breakup was a blessing."
As most of you know, I believe in God and I believe that God is always looking out for us. He knows us much better than we know ourselves since He created us. That breakup was a blessing from God because it moved me closer to my destiny.
Another time, also in Nashville, I broke up with a guy in the middle of a double date because he got mad I didn't offer to pay the bill. He had the belief a woman should always offer to pay.
This breakup will go down in history as one of the more controversial ones. Some think the guy was right, others side with me. Regardless, that breakup was another blessing.
If it's meant to be, it's easy. The man you're going to marry doesn't pick a fight over who paid for happy hour, but God didn't let it get that far, because sometimes breakups are God's protection.
Breakups hurt our ego and our confidence. If you are the breaker upper, a breakup can be stressful.
Another time in Nashville, I broke up with a guy because there was a severe storm and I suggested we go home instead of on a rafting excursion that we were headed to for someone's birthday. He wouldn't turn the car around. When we got to our destination, through torrential rain and me clenching my teeth the entire way, we found out there was a state of emergency and it was too unsafe to go on the river. The rafting company had canceled the trip. I broke up with the guy in the car on the way home. I didn't want to be with someone who wouldn't listen to me and who wouldn't protect me in a serious situation.
One thing about me, I never hung onto relationships when I saw the writing on the wall. And while I shed tears the times I got dumped over the years, on my wedding day, I shed tears of joy because it took all of those breakups to find the right relationship. In the end we aren't looking for just someone, we're looking for the one.
My Uncle David who married my husband and I gave me great advice about a year before I met my husband. Uncle Dave is a pastor and he always has a way of telling me exactly what I need to hear.
He said, "Anne, you need to look for someone who has a heart as big as yours."
That changed the course of my dating relationships.
For a long time I didn't know what to look for when dating.
When I met my husband, a strange thing happened. I assumed he was already married because he was such a gentleman, so kind and just different.
We were in a group setting at a John Mayer concert and when someone finally mentioned he was single, I pursued him.
My husband led with his heart and after years of getting to know him, I realized that his heart was even bigger than my own.
When I talk to single friends about dating nowadays, a lot of them get discouraged.
I had one friend say to me, "I'm so tired of being alone. Dating is too hard nowadays, what if I end up alone? I'm afraid I'm unworthy."
I totally understand. I remember being single, alone in my apartment not knowing if I would ever find my match. Sometimes I wondered if there was something wrong with me. After going through it, I believe that being single and wanting a husband and family is one of the hardest things, because once you find it, it truly is the best. Going through the trenches to find the right person is one of life's great challenges, because it's one of the most important choices we'll ever make.
The only thing you can do, is keep believing, pray for the right person, be grateful for your breakups and keep trying.
The worst thing you can do is to get stuck on someone after God showed you they are not for you, or worse, to give up.
After time goes on, you will likely look back and breathe a sigh of relief that you got dumped! God can see the things we can't see. He knows your worth and He is trying to keep you moving to give you His best. You won't get to His best if you keeping looking back.
Every breakup gets you closer to the person who will love you for exactly who you are, whether you're fancy or not!
